Category: Psychology

The Moving Parade

 

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Have you ever tried finding parking in a crowded city during rush hour? It can be pretty intimidating.

There you are surrounded by bumper to bumper traffic. You could be driving around for 15, 20, 30, 40 minutes… even up to an hour before you land a spot.

Cars, trucks and SUV’s flood the streets all at once, and everyone’s rushing to get home at frenetic speeds, like a movie in fast forward. It can get so cut-throat at times that you’ll find yourself reacting in self-defense just to avoid getting into an accident.

There are just too many cars for not enough parking spaces. What can you do?

A week ago in New York City, I was being driven around by my friend Joe during rush hour, going to meet friends for dinner. As we drove around looking for parking, you can easily believe it’s an impossible task. There was a parade-like formation of cars in front of us, scouring for any parking spaces left open and we were at least 5 cars behind!

I wanted to give up and find the easy way out: paid parking. But thankfully, my friend Joe was smarter than I.

He knew that the parked cars were there for a limited time. Eventually, some would have to move on and others would take their place – and he just had to be ready for the space he wanted. For when that window of opportunity opened up. You may imagine what he did.

He double parked in the area of the street where he wanted his spot and for 5 minutes we waited for a car to leave. For 10 minutes we waited. Finally, after 15 minutes (we were about to run late), a man approached his car.

And with that Joe pulled up, and positioned his car to take his place and gracefully pulled into it. If it weren’t for Joe, I have no shame admitting I would have thrown my hands up and given into frustration.

And that got me thinking. Isn’t this a perfect metaphor for the job market? Wasn’t this my experience when I got downsized during the credit crunch in 2002? And isn’t this how it must be for you if you’re looking for open positions in an over-crowded market right now?

Thankfully, when it comes to job hunting, I was smart like Joe. And I realized the same thing Joe did: the job market may be over-crowded, but it’s always a moving parade.

And that means no matter how bad it looks to you right now… no matter how much more competitive other people are compared to you, there’s always a window of opportunity that’s about to open up.

You just gotta be there when it happens: The Reverse Interview Method

How To Tell If She’s Using You

How to Tell If She's Using YouWell ideally, the girl you’re dating is honest enough to declare, “I’m just using you.” But failing that, there are some other methods to make that judgment call yourself (although none are as good as the first!).

 

The key is to watch for patterns, such as:

* Is she always going for the lobster at Che Fancy Eats?

* Does she respond to your calls or texts… or only when she wants something?

* Have you been “dating” her for 6 months and have yet to meet her friends or family? (she’s compartmentalizing you)

* Does she ever go out of her way for you or is often asking you for big favors?

* Do you find a small part of you resents how much more giving you are in the relationship?

These are what we’d call “red flags”, and notice how all of them involve nonverbal cues. Because if she’s using you, it’s not likely she’s going to tell you (maybe her friends or your friends – but not you).

You may have heard that women sometimes send mixed messages. But in a relationship, you don’t need a cracker jack box decoder to decipher a person’s intentions because, over time, a person’s true colors will always emerge through their actions.

So if she’s flirting with the bartender on your date, while there might be some plausible deniability that they both just happen to REALLY love the Pixies, that’s strike one.

But after three strikes?

C’mon dude, have some self-respect already! At this point, any benefit of the doubt is used up and then it’s up to her to make you trust her again. And if she IS just using you, then chances are she’s not up to that challenge… because she was never that invested in you or the relationship to being with.

Either way, problem solved!

Of course, there’s another very common way women use men, and that’s just to get your validation. This can be trickier for men to handle because we love validation too. And so much of the dating game is intertwined with the desire for power and control.

Tread carefully!

While the same rules above still apply, it’s a two-way street that requires a deeper level of self-reflection.

But that’s a discussion for another time. And if you’re already dating, then you’ve got your work cut out for you, Columbo.